Esteem News 

21November2008

With esteem we don’t need to boast

Posted by Cecilia under: Philosophy.

Boasting always has one reason: calling attention to oneself.  Bragging is like a shout with negative results.  Nobody likes boasting people.

Let’s take a closer look at this deeply human action.  Isn’t the basic reason for bragging to be acknowledged?

We all crave attention.  We all need esteem.  We need esteem for a happy life.

Some people grasp for esteem by boasting because for a few brief seconds they might get some attention.  This kind of attention isn’t long-lasting.

For genuine esteem we don’t need to boast, we get it for free.  Esteem never goes together with bragging.  On the contrary, esteem happens before we even could get the urge to boast.  Esteem gives us whole attention without having to do something for it.

When we integrate esteem in our lives we never feel like we have to boast. 

20November2008

Esteem doesn’t get worked up

Posted by Cecilia under: Philosophy.

Our lives are filled with emotional moments of all kinds from sad to happy. 

We know how important it is to be able to express our emotions.  With a high self-knowledge we can handle our emotions without being disturbed or disturbing others.

When are emotions disturbing?  The answer is simple: when we lose control.  These are moments when we get worked up and negatively affected by our emotions. 

Now let’s imagine we feel esteemed and therefore happy.  We can’t get worked up anymore.   Esteem is like magic because it makes us patient, calm and understanding.  All these attitudes prevent us from being worked up.  If we get esteem or give esteem we create an atmosphere of understanding and this stops us being worked up. 

When we’re tempted toward those negative emotions, let’s just think for a moment that it’s always us deciding to lose control.  We’ll realize that being worked up doesn’t help us and anybody else.  With that we bring esteem into the moment and give ourselves and the people around us the chance to express true emotions.

19November2008

Path for living esteem, Part 4: esteem in our working life

Posted by Cecilia under: Philosophy.

Continuing our list of five steps leading to a life full of esteem we look at esteem in our working life.

Living esteem in our working life

People spend much of their life at work.  That makes it all the more important to think about esteem in our working life.

Some people spend their working hours to an unloved job while others are able to dedicate themselves to a work they love to do.

However we look at our job let’s first reflect about how we give esteem to ourselves as working persons.  Do we consider our work as precious?  Do we acknowledge ourselves for our achievements?  Do we encourage ourselves when we go through rough times at work?

If you can answer yes to these three questions then you’re well on your way to giving esteem to yourself as a working person.

Read the rest of this entry »

18November2008

Esteem as win-win situation

Posted by Cecilia under: Economy; Philosophy.

One definition of “win-win-solution” says that “it emphasizes the importance of cooperation, fun, sharing, caring and over-all group success in contrast to domination, egotistic behaviour and personal gain”.  Doesn’t this sound like a definition of esteem?

In win-win solutions “all involved persons are treated as equally important and valuable”.  This is exactly what esteem is meant to be.

When one party is only looking out for their own interest esteem doesn’t work.  To create esteem through a win-win-solution means having empathy for the other party.

There are many studies of social behavior showing that a win-win-attitude becomes important when people want to build a relationship.  In other words: trying to get a win-loose solution creates a winner, but a lonely winner.

As human beings we’re deeply social.  We need esteem for our private and social happiness.  Creating win-win-situations is a very effective way of living esteem.

17November2008

Esteem doesn’t know envy

Posted by Cecilia under: Philosophy.

Envy is a feeling every person comes to know at least once in life.

When we want to find out why we sometimes feel envy we have to ask ourselves what happens to us before we feel it.

Most often the reason for envy is comparison.  At the moment we compare ourselves with others we can feel envy in us.  Looking at other people we can get the impression that they are happier than we are or whatever seemingly better attribute we want to give.

In fact when we think about it we have to admit that there is no reason to feel envy.  We can only see the outer part of people, we don’t see behind their life role or life mask.

The other point is even more important: we can’t compare ourselves to others.  There is no basis for comparison because everybody is unique.

Esteem teaches us this life lesson.  There is no reason to envy others because all of us are matchless.  There is no other person on earth who is the similar to you. 

Esteem doesn’t know envy - in the contrary esteem grants everybody his unique preciousness.

16November2008

International Day for Tolerance

Posted by Cecilia under: Art and Culture.

Nineteen ninety-five was the United Nations “Year for Tolerance”.  Subsequent to this the UN established the International Day for Tolerance on November 16, 1996.

In the Declaration of Principles on Tolerance we read that “Tolerance is respect, acceptance and appreciation of the rich diversity of our world’s cultures, our forms of expression and ways of being human. It is fostered by knowledge, openness, communication, and freedom of thought, conscience and belief.”

Without any doubt we can also hold to the fact that tolerance is nourished by esteem.  We wrote about esteem and tolerance in July 2008.

The main question we can ask ourselves is: am I in the same position of being judged with intolerance by others?

Living esteem as a habit makes each day a day for tolerance because we acknowledge with esteem all kind of ways of being human.

15November2008

Self-esteem and pets

Posted by Cecilia under: Art and Culture; Philosophy.

It may sound odd to connect self-esteem with pets.  But let’s take a closer look at the effect pets have on us.

There are numerous studies proving that healing of illnesses increases when pets are around patients.  It’s also known that only stroking the silky fur of a cat or bunny can lower our blood pressure.

Pets make us feel good, no doubt about that.  But where is the connection to our self-esteem?  There are two points that bring self-esteem and pets together.

One is the fact that having a pet makes us feel responsible.  Having responsibility gives us the feeling of being needed.  We recognize ourselves as important.  Pets give us the conviction that our life is meaningful.  There is no better way to grow our self-esteem than to feel ourselves as precious.

The other point comes from the pets themselves.  They accept us as we are with all our weaknesses and maybe mistakes.  They love us implicitly and show this each day.  There is no better way to strengthen our self-esteem than to get unconditioned love.

14November2008

Esteem honors discussion about absent people

Posted by Cecilia under: Art and Culture; Philosophy.

Some homes in Switzerland have a proverb in their foyer saying “Welcome is everybody who can be mute about others”.  In German this proverb rhymes like all these home proverbs do. It means: rather than saying something negative about people behind their back we keep silent about them.

Sometimes it seems to be a human habit that people talk about people behind their back.  It seems like it’s just exchanging information but all of us know that most often it’s just circulating rumors. 

Many times talking behind someone’s back means telling negative stories.  We might feel uncomfortable while we’re doing it but we still can’t stop ourselves.

Esteem interrupts this habit because it makes us open-minded.  With esteem we can’t judge others, even less so while they’re absent.  We feel the need to give them the opportunity to explain themselves.

Esteem always honors our discussion about absent people.  When we speak about them we only express esteem toward them.  We can do the same when we witness others talking about absent people.  By doing that we express that everybody deserves esteem.

13November2008

Children pay attention to our words

Posted by Cecilia under: Education.

Reading the results of British research about children’s anxieties might cause us to think about the effect our words have on children.

Researchers found that the fears of children are similar to the fears of their parents.  The research is ongoing, but it already shows that children don’t only pay close attention to what their parents say, but also to non-verbal clues.

There is no doubt that children absorb words and the intentions behind them as well as adults do.  Our being social tells us to listen and to learn. 

When we take esteem serious in our life we want to pay attention to the words we use toward children.  We watch the expressions we use as well as our own feelings.

Children are very sensitive to what we say.  We can lead them to esteem by choosing our words.  Everything we say as a negative phrase we can change into a positive expression.  The more we exercise in watching our words the more we can realize esteem toward children.

12November2008

What kind of esteem do we give?

Posted by Cecilia under: Philosophy.

To continue yesterday’s post about what kinds of esteem we can get we now focus on the kind of esteem we give toward others.

We can ask ourselves if we give esteem with a certain purpose.  Do we have ulterior motives when we give esteem to somebody?  We might hope that our acknowledgement of somebody yields an benefit of some kind for us.  In this case it isn’t esteem we give, instead it’s a calculating act. 

Another intention to give esteem could be that we expect being acknowledged ourselves.  We are, in effect, making clear that we are the ones deserving esteem. 

Each time we acknowledge somebody else for a certain reason it can’t be genuine esteem.  Since we can also sense what kind of esteem we get,  we can be sure that others feel if the esteem we give is genuine or not.

As long as we haven’t integrated esteem in our life as a daily habit we can just enjoy the thought that we create a good feeling in others by giving esteem for free.  Giving genuine esteem means that we don’t expect anything in return.