Tag Archives: self-centered

Esteem isn’t self-seeking

Guide to being selfless Seth SmithSelf-seeking is always looking for ones own advantage.  A self-seeking person acts with the ulterior motives of the own profit. There is a very thin line between self-seeking and ordinary self interest.

We need to have a healthy interest in ourselves.  When self interest is linked with esteem it can’t act self-centered.

Esteem is the opposite of self-seeking.  Esteem and being self-centered never work together.  When we give esteem to somebody we don’t do it with the ulterior motives of getting esteem for ourselves.  If we did it with selfish motives the esteem wouldn’t be authentic and wouldn’t be felt as genuine by the other person.

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Self-esteem vs. Self-centered

Self-esteem is a thoroughly modern theme.  There are as many opinions as there are people writing about it.

Sometimes we read cautious or even negative thoughts  about self-esteem.  Some people seem to confuse self-esteem with vanity by saying that there are persons with too much self-esteem.  These writers assume that it’s self-esteem which is making people vain and only focused on themselves.

Too much self-esteem?  How should this be possible?  It’s like saying you have: too much health.  There is nothing such as “too much health” and and the same can be said for “too much self-esteem”.  Either we have health or not – the same with self-esteem.

Self-esteem has nothing to do with vanity.  Vanity is lacking self-esteem.  Vanity makes people self-centered.  People are self-centered as long as they aren’t sure about themselves – they have to control and to praise themselves to maintain their happiness – a fruitless task because this kind of happiness disappears quickly.

Self-esteem on the other hand makes people so sure in themselves and their abilities that they don’t need to constantly check to see if they’re still self-confident.  Persons with a high self-esteem are normally interested in others and the world and are capable to give esteem toward others.

Narcissistic people as leaders?

A study from the Ohio State University found that people with narcissistic attitudes tend to assume leaderships roles and are often chosen by others.

Narcissistic people  are by definition self-centered and overconfident in their own abilities.
Having a healthy high self-esteem can also mean being strongly self-confident in one’s own abilities.  Persons with a high self-esteem tend to be harmonically balanced in their mental center.

There is one important difference between being narcissistic and having a high self-esteem.  Persons with a high self-esteem don’t exaggerate their self-confidence nor are they self-centered.  The most important difference is the lack of empathy by the narcissistic people.

Persons with a high self-esteem take care of others by giving esteem.  In reality these persons are natural leaders if they have the talent of leading.

True leadership is characterized by empathy, a leading talent and self-esteem.